Each year as fall comes and the first frost hits my yard I worry and wonder how I am going to make it through the winter. I don’t have clinically diagnosed winter depression, but it didn’t take a medical degree to know I suffer from it.  I really don’t mind the winter except for one terrible thing. I want MY flowers!!! Getting flowers from the wholesaler is something I do weekly but I want and I need to be able to go outside and gather something each and every time I design. I have just about destroyed anything left on this property that was of interest, snagging interesting pods, or still green branches.  I even had 15 new pieris japonica, all showing lots of promise for this year but I simply could not keep my hands off of them and there is not one promising bloom or branch left. I am gonna hate myself for that.  So anyways I have been really proud of myself because I have not been fretting about this winter or even counting the days. It was like I had found some acceptance for the winter and that I could handle it this year.

That lasted until 1pm yesterday, and then all of a sudden this vicious, mean, a _ _, feeling went flying through my body. It came out of nowhere, with absolutely no warning, and I literally found myself screaming out loud, I want my flowers back!!! Thankfully my winter beast came flying out of me while I was upstairs all alone, because my family might have thought I had turned into a monster.  So it’s official, I am done, I can’t wait anymore. I want my flowers back. The waiting has begun, the stamping of my feet, the mourning, the pining, the crying. I want my flowers back!!